It can be hard to tell how your ex feels about you after a breakup. You know there’s still something there but is it just friendship or are they interested in getting back together?
Today we’ll unpack different situations and try to determine whether your ex has feelings for you or sees you as just a friend.
So I’m going to assume that you’re still talking to your ex regularly. While this is a good sign that they might be interested in you, it’s a bad idea to pursue this friendship if you do want them back.
Let me explain….
First, by staying friends with your ex after the breakup, you’re actually helping them get over you.
I’m sure you care about your ex and you don’t want them to feel any pain–that’s admirable–but if you actively help them feel better during this time, by being a shoulder to cry on, doing them favours, and generally being a friend to them, then you’re hurting your chances with them in the long run.
This is because the better they feel right now, the faster they’ll move on from the breakup….and from you.
Second, it changes the relationship between the two of you in a bad way. Whereas before you two had romance and love, now you have friendship and hang outs.
This is fine in small bursts, but if you spend too much time with your ex in a platonic context–as friends–you’re going to replace the association of you as a romantic partner, a sexual being and someone they love, with an association of you as just a friend.
Think about it. Say you and your ex went on fifteen dates, then broke up and then hung out as friends twenty times, at that point you’re more of a friend then you are a partner, or even an ex, in their mind.
Obviously you’re probably not hitting those numbers but every time you spend time with your ex as friends, you’re pushing the association further in that direction.
And there are more reasons not to be friends with your ex: it makes it harder to transition back into a relationship, it makes you look weak, it makes them miss you less, and more.
I actually have another article on this topic that you should check out if you’re still not sure.
But what if you think your ex actually wants you back? What if you think you’re close to closing the deal and it’s just a matter of starting the right conversation?
Well you’d better be sure before you proceed. Again, this is a delicate situation and you don’t want to scare your ex off before you have a chance to really connect with them again.
So here are some signs that your ex doesn’t see you as just a friend, and they are open to reigniting a brand new relationship with you…
Sign #1 – They ask about you…
If you hear through the grapevine that your ex is asking about you through your mutual friends or family, then you can most definitely assume that they still care about you more than just a friend.
And if they’re asking about your love life and who you’re dating, then that’s an even better indicator that they still see you in a romantic light.
Your ex may even be doing this to send the message that they’re interested without contacting you directly.
Of course, this depends on another important factor: if your ex can tell that you were hit hard by the breakup, if you begged and pleaded, if you were really depressed and heartbroken, then there’s a chance that your ex is just worried about you and wants to make sure that you’re okay.
But if you handled the breakup okay up to this point, it’s most likely a sign of interest.
Sign #2 – Your ex always initiates contact.
If your ex is often texting you, calling you, hitting you up on facebook, instagram, myspace, linkedin, nexopia, then it’s safe to say that they definitely miss you to some extent. This one isn’t for sure, because it is common for broken up couples to remain close friends after a breakup, so don’t run out and buy a wedding ring, or anything, but know that this is a good sign.
And obviously the more your ex reaches out, the better your chances are. This is a sign that they are interested in you and feel like they NEED you in their life. This kind of dependence is the sign that your relationship was quite close and that means you’re in a better position than if your relationship was more of a fling.
But if you’re the one that’s putting in all the effort to contact your ex, then that’s unfortunately a sign that your ex probably just sees you as just a friend.
Sign #3 – Your ex flirts with you and touches you.
Flirting is a sign of attraction… and attraction is the basis of every relationship. So if your ex is touching you, cuddling up with you, or making sexual innuendos, then it’s safe to say that your ex definitely DOESN’T see you as just a friend. If this is the case, don’t be afraid to flirt back and tease him or her. This will only increase the level of attraction your ex has for you.
Just don’t fall into the trap of sleeping with your ex until you two are back on more solid footing. You don’t want to turn into just a booty call for your ex.
Sign #4 – You score over 70 on the Ex Back Quiz.
This a clear indicator that you and your ex have a chance of making things work, if you play your cards right. It’s free, it only takes five minutes and it answers the question “Does My Ex Want Me Back?” in an objective way, based on your specific situation. Take it here, right now.
Sign #5 – Your ex keeps trying to meet up.
This one is pretty obvious, but it deserves mention. If your ex is constantly asking you to hang out, or is coming up with excuses to see you, then it’s safe to say that he or she may see you as ‘more than just a friend’.
At this point, you need to determine if hanging out with your ex is the right choice. I recommend waiting at least a few weeks after breaking up before spending one-on-one time with your ex. If you meet up too early, it can create drama and conflict that would otherwise be avoided. This is mainly due to how mixed emotions can be soon after the breakup.
Sign #6 – They’re jealous of people in your life.
If your ex is jealous that you’re hanging out with members of the opposite sex, then it’s definitely safe to say that they still care about you romantically. However, if your ex couldn’t care less or is encouraging you to see other people, then they probably just see you as ‘just a friend’.
Sign #7 – They’re trying to make YOU jealous.
If it’s obvious your ex is trying to make you jealous, then it could be an indication that they’re still attracted to you. If they keep bringing up the people he or she is dating, or how often they’re getting asked out, then they might be trying to invoke a response from you.
If you’ve heard any of my advice, then you should know by now that you should most definitely NOT give them what they want here. They’re looking for a big reaction from you to confirm that they still have you on the hook, but often this can scare an ex off when they see you acting possessive and jealous towards them.
Honestly, the psychology on display here is pretty complicated but to simplify it, I’ll say that we always want what we can’t have. Sometimes if we get it too easily, it doesn’t feel valuable. Does that make sense?
On top of this, chances are your ex doesn’t really know what they want so if they feel too much pressure, it could scare them off.
