If you’re trying to decide whether to move on or try again, it’s important to understand your connection to this other person. Is this just someone you happened to date or are they your soulmate?
Whether you call it fate, powerful chemistry or magnetic compatibility, some people are meant to be together, and some aren’t.
Here are the 9 signs that you and your ex are soulmates.
1. You’re still connected even after the breakup
I often tell people to go No Contact after a breakup. This means no phone calls, text messages or in person meetups for about a month. If you want your ex back, this is the way to go.
The time apart helps you both process the breakup, it stops further conflict between the two of you and it prevents you from sliding into being just friends, which is a BIG mistake if you want them back.
All that said, if you ended up staying friends with your ex, this can actually be a good sign for your future together.
The friendship itself is a mistake but the face that you had a strong enough bond that you could be friends is a sign that you two may have a future together down the line.
The opposite are those relationships that end suddenly and a week later you feel no connection to the other person and it’s almost like the relationship never happened.
I’m sure you can think of people from your past that you can’t believe you even dated, much less were in a serious relationship with.
It doesn’t mean you don’t care about them and respect them, just that you two are SO different now that it almost seems like another lifetime.
The truth is, people change over time and you can either grow together, or, more commonly, you can grow apart.
2. Your relationship had these FIVE things
Here’s something a little more concrete: a landmark study that was recently released by The National Academy of Sciences. This study used machine learning to analyze 43 datasets from 29 different laboratories across the US. This is a little dense but it basically boils down to this:
There are five different aspects of any relationship that predict success in the long run. Those aspects are:
1. Perceived partner commitment: you felt like your partner was committed to you for the long haul, and vice versa.
2. Appreciation: you and your partner both felt and SHOWED appreciation for the other person.
3. Sexual satisfaction: You were able to maintain a happy and healthy sex life.
4. Perceived partner satisfaction: you knew your partner was happy and vice versa.
5. Conflict: you were able to handle conflict in a way that brought you closer together rather than drove you apart.
Think about your relationship. How well did it do in these categories? Obviously perceived partner commitment has taken a hit recently, since you broke up, but if your relationship was otherwise hitting these markers, then it seems to me that you two are meant to be.
Because there are plenty of long-lasting relationships that are lacking in every one of these areas. Remember these moving forward and, if you’re lucky enough to get a second chance, make sure that you put in the work to fulfill these five areas.
3. Your family likes them and vice versa
Family is so important and it can have a huge impact on a long term relationship. So if you get along with their family and they get along with yours, you should seriously consider giving things another shot.
Family can be a source of friction or it can be a source of strength and connection for years to come.
Not only that, but it’s a great indicator of compatibility between the two of you. As we all know, we tend to get more similar to our parents as we age so if you know you get along with their parents, then it’s going to help you down the line.
4. You two have powerful physical attraction
One unfortunate fact of long term relationships is that attraction fades over time. This is why we stop feeling butterflies when we see that other person once we’ve been together for awhile. This is perfectly normal.
As you get to know each other better, these feelings turn into a deeper, more secure form of love. So the more powerful your attraction is starting out, the better your connection will be in the long run. Attraction is foundational to any romantic relationship and if you’re not attracted to one another, I’m sorry to say but things just aren’t meant to be.
There are plenty of ways to foster attraction between you and another person. Something as simple as flirting can work wonders to create that spark that’s missing.
And you can always focus on improving your health and your appearance. This will not only make you more attractive, but it will help you feel more confident which will compound this effect. Really, even just a haircut can do wonders if you’ve been looking sloppy lately.
And if you found that attraction was starting to fade in a relationship, the truth is that a breakup can actually help light those fires all over again. Because the more time you spend together, the more used to this other person you become.
No matter how good looking the two of you are, if you spend too much time together, you’ll eventually become familiar, and unexciting.
Now that you’re apart, you truly have a chance to miss one another. This means when you meet again, you’ll feel that electric charge you felt when you first saw one another. If this pull is strong enough, then it means that the two of you really are meant to be.
5. You haven’t given up hope
The truth is that a relationship doesn’t end when you break up, it ends when you stop trying to make it work. Now this point can come years before you two call it quits for good or it can happen months or years after you two have split.
The important thing is that if you can hold out hope that you two might have a future together then this is a sign that the two of you may be meant to be. Obviously if neither of you hope for a future where you’re back together then the chances of it happening spontaneously are pretty slim.
This is just to say that confidence is key in this situation. I wouldn’t advise you to disregard your ex’s wishes or to pester them into giving you a second chance.
Just hold on to that hope inside of you and use it to improve yourself and work towards a future where you two can be together. Because the moment you give up hope for good, is the moment you’ll know that you two have no future.
6. You scored a 70 or above on the Ex Back Quiz
Here’s a more concrete way to determine your compatibility with your ex.
fill out this simple quiz to find out in detail, what your chances are with your ex. This is a really helpful tool that has helped so many and it’s completely free, it only takes five minutes, and it’s 100% confidential. Try it now.
7. The breakup was extremely tough
Sometimes it takes a breakup to make us realize what we had in the first place. If your breakup has been really difficult to deal with, if you find that you can’t eat, you can’t sleep, and you can’t get your mind off things, even weeks or months later, then this is a sign that the two of you may be meant to be.
If you’re experiencing a huge sense of loss and it feels like you can’t go on, this is your mind telling you that what you had was really special and that it’s not really over, despite what may have happened between you.
On the other hand, if you felt a huge sense of relief after your breakup and you realize that you don’t miss them like you thought you would, then this is a sign that moving on is going to be the best option for you.
8. They accept your Emotional Bids (and you accept theirs)
American psychologist John Gottman describes an emotional bid as any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection. Bids show up in simple ways, a smile or a laugh, and more complex ways, like a request for advice or help. Some are spoken but just as many are unspoken.
So this can make things tricky. Many people reject many bids by accident or just miss those bids altogether.
Essentially accepting a bid is “turning towards” the other person while rejecting a bid is “turning away” from them. In a successful relationship, both partners will turn toward the other as much as possible.
So if they say “nice day we’re having” and you felt a cold breeze once, it’s okay to just say “yes.”
But emotional bids aren’t just about agreement. They’re more about engagement. So gentle teasing can be a kind of emotional bid. So is leaving a note in their lunch. So is asking you about how your favourite team is doing this season. There are so, so many ways to make an emotional bid and so many ways to accept them.
Of course, you can’t ALWAYS accept your partner’s bids. For example, if your partner says “don’t you just hate dogs” and you love dogs, you shouldn’t just agree. Or if their bid is pinching your butt and hitting you on the head with a basketball then you shouldn’t just go along with it if it makes you uncomfortable. You want to support them but you don’t want to lie to them or be inauthentic.
There’s room for conflict in every relationship and it can actually bring you closer together, as we talked about.
But your default method of dealing with this other person should be positive. You want to give them the benefit of the doubt. You want to accept them for who they are. You want to “turn towards” them rather than away.
If you really struggle to do this a lot of the time you need to think about how compatible you really are with them, and also how you communicate with others in general.
9. They made you the best version of yourself
Some people say that your partner should push you to improve yourself and reach your goals. Others say that your partner should bring you comfort and let you truly be yourself. I think that both are true.
Someone you’re meant to be with will allow you to be the best version of yourself. So if your partner made you feel supported and comfortable but also free to pursue your hopes and dreams, then you’ve found a keeper and someone you should stay with for the long haul.
If you’re not sure whether you feel this way, then chances are you don’t. Because once you feel this feeling, you’ll know that it’s the real deal and you’ll do anything to make it last forever.
