A breakup is usually the end of a relationship but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, 50% of couples have broken up and gotten back together at least once.
Does that mean you can always get your ex back? No, in some situations you have no chance of reconnecting because your ex has simply moved on.
So how can you tell when your ex is done for good?
Well there’s no sign on their forehead telling you their feelings for you but there are 10 indicators that should show up that let you know that your ex is over you and the relationship.
You don’t need all 10 of these indicators but the more that show up, the more confident you can be that they’re over it.
Sign 1 – They attempt to convince you to accept the breakup, repeatedly
Some people can’t accept reality after a breakup. You probably aren’t in that small group of people who live in denial, but this does happen. If your ex has been trying for a long time to get you to accept the breakup, and you still keep holding on to hope… you need to let go.
In cases like this it usually won’t be your ex alone, but also other people in your life saying the same thing.
You may think that they just don’t get it, that you’ll get your ex back eventually, but if more than one person is saying it, chances are you’re in the wrong here and you’re just refusing to see the truth.
So you should always consider whether you’re on the right path or you’re way out of line and living in denial.
Again, this only applies in extreme cases. Say it’s been months now and your ex has repeatedly told you, in no uncertain terms, that you need to move on, and other people in your life are trying to convince you that your ex is actually serious and you need to take their words at face value…. Then this is a clear indication that your ex has moved on for good, and you do need to listen to what they’re saying.
My advice is to stop right now and leave them alone. Trust me, you’re going to be embarrassed that you acted this way and the longer you wait the worse it will be.
I’m not saying it can’t ever happen at some point in the future but if your ex tells you to back off, you need to listen and give them lots of space for at least a few weeks before trying again.
And if you’ve made several attempts only to be shot down, you really have no choice but to move on.
Sign 2 – Your ex has been committed to the breakup 100% and never backslid or showed any kind of mixed feelings.
Sometimes an ex will tell you they miss you, ask if you’re dating anyone new, say they wish you were with them right now. That kind of thing that suggests they miss you or have regrets about ending things.
And often an ex will even backslide further. They might call you up late at night to meet up or they might ask about getting back together just to pull away. These are all signs that your ex is NOT over you.
On the flip side, if your ex has always taken a firm line about the breakup—if they always made it clear it was over, and stayed firm with that messaging since the breakup—that’s not a good sign for your chances.
Honestly, it’s pretty rare for someone to be this firm about a breakup. There’s often quite a bit of backsliding early on and even after time goes on, it’s pretty normal to have a soft spot for your ex.
But some people are simply more strong-willed and more calculated when they decide to break up.
Your ex may have decided long before the breakup itself and convinced themselves that there was no other option and they needed to be 100% committed to a permanent breakup from day 1.
Either your ex is just a logical person or they know that if they gave you any wiggle room, then you’d never leave them alone.
Whatever their reason is, when an ex is this firm and consistent for months after a breakup, always telling you it’s over and never giving you any hope, that eventually becomes too strong of a message to ignore and usually means they’ve already moved on.
Sign 3 – They’re in a serious relationship with someone new.
Rebound relationships are common after a breakup. If your ex is in a rebound, don’t worry too much, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing for your odds of getting them back.
For the purposes of this video, I’m talking about a SERIOUS relationship with someone new.
If your ex is just sleeping with someone new 2 weeks after you broke up, well that sucks and I’m sorry you had to learn about it, but it’s not a ‘serious relationship’.
A serious relationship is one that has lasted a few months, it’s public and obvious that they’re a couple.
They maybe even move in together or go on trips and make future plans together…. You know, an actual relationship, not just a quick fling to try and get your mind off the pain of a breakup.
If your ex is actually in a serious relationship with someone new and it’s obviously not a rebound, that’s a nail in the coffin, or at least a sign that you’re looking at a seriously difficult situation.
The more serious and long-lasting your ex’s new relationship is, the more it signals your ex is gone for good.
There is one exception to this. If you two have been apart for years, and even if you have each had relationships during that time, you may still be able to reconnect.
Obviously it’s not super common but it does happen. The distinction here is that if it’s been like 8 months and they’ve been dating someone that whole time then this is not a good sign for you.
But say you’ve been broken up for five years and you’ve both dated other people but are now single, those relationships don’t really have any relevance anymore.
They won’t make a difference to what happens next.
But in general, your ex being in a serious committed relationship with someone new is a strong sign they’ve moved on for good.
Sign 4 – They don’t fight with you
It’s never fun to argue with your ex but it isn’t always the bad sign that people think it is. They think “oh my ex is so mad at me. They hate me. It must be over” but that’s rarely the case.
The truth is that your ex won’t reach out to you and start beef if they’re over you. Anger and drama is a sign that they’re still emotionally invested.
You need to worry when your ex STOPS doing things like this because it means that they simply don’t care anymore. They may respond to you with one-word texts or not at all. They’re not angry because they feel nothing.
Sign 5 – They blocked you
If your ex blocks your number and blocks you on social media after breaking up and they haven’t unblocked you after several months or longer it’s unlikely you’ve got much hope.
But that’s not always the case if your ex blocks you. In my mind, there are three reasons an ex will do this.
First, they truly don’t want to talk to you and so they don’t want you to be able to reach out to them. This could be because you’ve been pestering them or it could be a preemptive move because they don’t want to be bothered.
Second, they’re angry and are trying to let you know by blocking you. This will most likely be the case if they block you right after the breakup even though you haven’t tried to reach out.
If they’re doing this it means they’re probably pretty immature but it doesn’t mean that you have no chance with them. In fact, it probably means that they’re still invested because they’re trying to get your attention with a stunt like this.
And the third reason that an ex will block you is because they don’t want you seeing what they’re doing on social media. So that means they might be posting mean stuff about you, telling the world what a jerk you are.
Or they might be seeing someone new and wanting to post about it. Or even that their new person might be commenting on and liking their posts and they’re worried you’ll see it.
This is probably the worst case scenario for your chances of making it work in the long term but the fact that they care what you see could be a sign that they still care. Though I wouldn’t hold your breath if I were you.
Whatever their reasons, you have to respect any ex’s desire for space if they block you. Attempting to contact them through other means is dangerous and usually backfires.
It’s only going to scare them off and push them further away. The only way you’ll get your ex back at this point is if your ex unblocks you on their own.
Sign 6 – You’ve already tried every trick in the book, and nothing has worked.
Honestly, if you’ve made a sincere effort to get your ex back after the breakup, the fact that they’re giving you nothing, is not a good sign for you.
That said, there’s plenty of advice online that will actually drive your ex away from you, rather than get them back.
For example, many people will tell you to just reach out to your ex, call them and sit down and discuss the breakup and try to come to a consensus.
This doesn’t work because it just drags up past drama and reminds your ex of all the reasons you broke up.
Others will tell you to be friends with your ex so that you can keep them close and win them back that way.
This is THE worst advice out there because it actually helps your ex get over you and move on. Not only that but once you’re friends it’s almost impossible to take things further and reconnect in a romantic way.
So it really depends on HOW you’ve tried to get your ex back and how much you’ve screwed things up between you two.
But if you haven’t tried my techniques, there is still hope.
Sign 7 – They moved away
Absence may make the heart go fonder but distance usually makes it impossible to reconnect with your ex.
So if your ex moved across the country or on another continent, and they’re far enough away that seeing them regularly would be impossible — it’s a sign that they’re done for good.
Because they KNEW that moving away would be closing the door on that chapter of their life. This could be a deliberate choice to get away from you but even if it wasn’t, they knew that you’d be hundreds of miles away and decided to go anyway. This shows that they’re not interested in rekindling.
Sign 8 – You score under 40 in the Ex Back Quiz
This simple quiz was put together by experts to answer the question “Can I Get My Ex Back?”
Breakups can be really complicated. It helps drill down to the variables that actually affect your chances.
Sign 9 – They don’t respond to any attempts to incite jealousy or ask about your dating life.
If you want to change your ex’s mind about breaking up, jealousy is a powerful option.
It can really overwhelm their logical mind… and make them want you back, if used correctly.
The best way to do this is by using social media and by dropping subtle hints whenever you talk to your ex.
But if you use this technique and you don’t get any kind of rise out of your ex, this can often indicate that your ex isn’t emotionally invested in you any more, and is moving on. By itself, this doesn’t always mean your chances of getting back together are completely over, but it’s definitely not a good sign and often means your ex is over you.
Similarly, if your ex has never shown any interest in your dating life…like if they don’t care at all when you show up to a party with a new date…it’s a bad sign and they’re probably over you. This is probably the least significant sign on this list, but it is usually an indicator that suggests your ex is moving on.
Sign 10- It’s been years since the breakup.
I’ve talked about this already but it’s worth repeating. The longer it’s been since your breakup, the lower your chances of ever getting back together. Full stop.
Again, there are definitely exceptions to this–I’ve seen people apart for 30 years reconnect and spend the rest of their lives together–but most people will fully move on after a year or two apart.
That’s enough time for 99% of people to accept a breakup, adapt, and find someone new. And we tend to write people off if it’s been a long time simply to protect ourselves and our feelings.
We put people from our past into a different category so we can stop thinking about them. And once they’re in there, it’s hard to think of them as a real prospect again.
So if you’ve been trying for a year or more, or even longer and you’re just hoping and praying that you might still have a chance.. Don’t get your hopes up. It’s likely your ex has moved on by this point.
